I’m tired of pleasing anyone. Anymore. I had a bad day today. I don’t know. At some point I just want to do something for myself. I’m tired of making other people happy. I just want to get to know myself better at this moment. I just want to be alone and see how far can I go. 

I’m working now. I try to commit. Since I am working, I started to change. I don’t really have much time to think. I have my goals. At work, I commit and try my best. Imperfections exist, but for me I need PERFECTIONIST. Every little detail in my works, I ensure it is perfect. That’s just me. 

And today, I had a meeting. Yet mother suka-suka hati forbidden me from attending the 1ST MEETING EVER. I’m just fucking pissed off. Seriously. I feel like throwing things out from the damn windows. Mother keeps telling me that she was the only one who does the house chores, laundry and all. Sometimes, I wonder. What did she expected me to do? Working, studying and a house-daughter? Am I this strong? I do not blame her. I know she’s tired doing the chores. But I just think, IF NAK MENGUNGKIT, THEN DON’T DO. Simple. Kalau betul tak larat nak buat, then leave it. I will do. You know how it feels when your mum ungkit everything.. every single cents she gave, things she did and all? If only I have millions bucks, I’d give to her. If I really have time and strength to do everything to please her, I would. But why everyone do not understand that I AM HUMAN AND I HAVE FEELINGS TOO? 

I’m tired. That’s all. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just started to hate people. I just started to changed. And I started to not give a single fuck to anyone. Not anymore. I just wanted to be alone, and selfish. For fucking one second. I’m done..

-12th May 12.